It wasn’t exactly love at first sight. But then again, this isn’t exactly the beginning of the story. So let’s back up.
After taking what amounted to a long time to get over a short relationship1, and having had a very meaningless and ultimately regrettable fling2, I decided it was time to cut the crap. I knew that what I wanted out of life wouldn’t simply arrive one day on my front step in a gift-wrapped parcel while I was sitting on my keister doing nothing. On October 9, 2008 I blogged,
…it’s probably time to start dating again. You know, with the purpose of not spending the rest of my life thinking only about myself, and having someone else to make the other side of the bed (seriously, that’s a lot of walking ’round and ’round). If you’ll remember, I made a similar decision last fall, and then opted instead to wander around Europe for a couple months, making out with college boys on study abroad. Not bad work if you can get it, but you see how far that got me. I’m still taking out the garbage every week (minus) and enjoying sole possession of the remote control (plus). Anyway, if you are reasonably tall, funny and do not intend to take me too seriously ever (and I mean EVER), please start lining up at my door. I like irises and hiking trips and I laugh in my sleep. That’s pretty much all you need to know.
I meant it. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do about it, though, beyond toying with the idea of re-activating the old Match.com account that had brought me so many quality experiences with the opposite sex3. But in the middle of all my pondering, on October 9, 2008 at 1:50PM, a woman I’d never met left a comment, offering a fix-up.
Sara said,
I have the most amazing and sweet friend in the world. He is 324, attractive, athletic, smart and funny. He has a great job, lots of good family and friends and is over all a winner. I would lurve to set you up. I know he would love your sense of humor and I think you could learn to adore his silly jokes and sweet smile. Maybe that’s weird, but if not, email me.
I cannot say what it was about the comment that made me open up my gmail to message a complete stranger about going on a date with an even stranger stranger. Part of me made allowances for my capriciousness by saying what I always have about potentially awkward experiences: At least it will be something to write about! Part of me knew better – the same part that knows when someone is lying to me or when Something Big is about to happen. I wrote,
Okay, are we being weird (you to suggest it, and me to consider it)? I don’t even care. Tell me more about your friend!
Emails were exchanged, photos were sent, and a double date arranged. And on October 29, just hours after my sweet nephew was born and I interviewed for my job (a very big day), Sara, her fiancé Jaime, the even stranger stranger and I met for burgers, beer and happily-ever-after. Well, mostly.
It wasn’t exactly love at first sight. But there was this feeling – one I’ll never be able to describe adequately without having an explanation for how it is that the universe bends just the right way, causing the chemicals in your body reorder themselves so that all the hairs stand up on your arms and your stomach flips, and simultaneously, you’re filled with a perfectly warm comfort, like curling up in your dad’s worn out corduroy recliner. See, if I could explain that, I’d really be in business. But as it was, while the universe was bending away, we sat, side by side, in a booth at Capitol Pub, eating, sipping beer and talking into the early hours of the next day.
And then he didn’t call5.
It turns out, he had to be warmed up for such things (he’ll tell you today that he only remembers being really, really intimidated. I’ll smile and roll my eyes). Sara, undeterred by the boy’s shyness, set up another date – a dinner party at her home one Friday night, to celebrate my return among the gainfully employed6.
We went out again on Tuesday. And since that Tuesday in November, I can count on my fingers the nights we’ve slept apart.
“In four words, tell us about this guy you’re dating.”
It was early December, at our company party in San Antonio. My boss was prying. It’s what he does. I smiled and rolled my left hand into a fist.
“Going,” I said, as I stuck out my thumb.
“To,” Index finger – that was two.
“Marry,” Middle finger. Three.
“Him,” Ring finger equals four.
Eyebrows around the table went up. My boss’s wife leaned forward in her chair.
“You don’t seem like the kind of girl who would just say something like that.”
“I’m not. I mean it. I’m going to marry him if he doesn’t screw it up.”
“Oh, Miss Hunter,” my boss laughed, eyes squinted, head back in a roar. “He’s a boy. He’s going to screw it up A LOT!”
I waved him off. See, it was at that Friday night dinner when my feeling turned into a knowing, and I didn’t care what anyone said. It goes a little something like this (and it’s an awfully good thing I’m not the one responsible for official explanations of these sorts phenomena, because this one’s not going to be any better than the previous, with its bending universe and arm hair and such): There are some things you know because handily, they come with back-up material. Facts. You can know what time it is, or how far it is to Denver or how many nines go into twenty-seven. But then there are the things you know just because. No facts, no back-up. Just knowing. Some people will tell you that’s how they feel about god. As for me, I simply knew I was done looking. I’d found what I was waiting for.
And he doesn’t just make his half of the bed; he makes the whole thing.
1 You can read about that here, here, here and… here.
2 You will probably never read about that. He was awful. The end.
3 You can read about that here (and don’t skip the comments). I hope that guy goes to jail.
4 Fibbing about age: it’s not just for celebrities! He turns 35 this year.
5 You can read about that here.
6 You can read about that here.
Oh my goodness. Thank you so much for sharing.
Such a great story in a blog of great stories! Awwww
Great. Now I’m sniffling at my desk.
I’m truly happy for you. As genuinely happy as one can be for someone she doesn’t know. That sounds so perfect. Perfectly imperfect. Thanks for sharing.
All I can say is that my headache is gone after reading this post. I’m smiling so hard.
Your kids (because c’mon, the two of you HAVE to procreate) will be so lucky to read this when they’re old enough.
I’m so happy you’re happy!
Oh gosh. Sigh. I’ve been waiting for that story for a long time!!!! So happy for you Fish, you deserve it.
Aww. I’m so glad you shared this story.
I have to second Lindsay’s sentiment above—it probably is a bit odd to feel so happy for a ‘stranger’, but as a long-time reader, I just can’t help it.
That’s so sweet… Wish I had a fabulous “we met when…” story to share with friends like you! Wish you two all the best.
I am so happy… and envious of you! I too have recently hit that place where I’m ready… so look out world!
Best wishes!
Amanda
Amazing. have been waiting for that story! isn’t it lovely when it’s that simple?
So…what you’re saying is that I have to become a popular blogger to find my right guy?
Thank you for sharing Heather…Sometimes..when you know you know. I “knew” it on my first date with my now fiance. He also took a while to “warm up to such things”, but in January, 4 years after we met, we will be married! So good luck to you….it has been great reading your Happy stories!
Lovelovelovelove this story! I love all love stories! What can I say? I’m a wedding photography and it’s a job hazard!
And, yes, when you KNOW, you KNOW…
j*
Whoo-hoo!! And there it is! Wonderful and sweet!
Good for you!
I remember that period of time too! I remember you blogging about going out (that was the burger night)! And starting your new job, etc. I had a feeling something was up and I recall you being very vague, even silent about it all.
Again.. Good for you!
AND… he makes the WHOLE bed?!?
Sigh. You’re killing me, Heather. Seriously.
Sorry, I’m slow. Are you engaged? Or do you have an understanding? And what is Dork Lord’s name? And have you and Sara discussed what color her maid of honor dress will be?
I feel like a total dork that I was so excited that you posted the How We Met story! Yay! So sweet!
I feel like a total dork that I was so excited that you posted the How We Met story! Yay! So sweet!
I believe in love because of you.
Wow, I’m so envious you just “know.” And, of course, that you met the one you know about! Congrats.
Great story! I am a lurker but this story made me come out of lurkesville. I too have a very familiar story based on a blind date from the Internet, not instant chemistry but a huge feeling in my body of he is a special person. Today we have been happily married for ten years and have two wondrful boys. My hats off to you and I wish for a lifetime of happiness with your man.
I was introduced to your blog by a friend about a year ago, and I am the obsessive type who must begin at the beginning. I went back and read all of your posts, and just last week caught up to the present which means I’ve been impatiently waiting for the “how we met” story for all of one week, which is forever to me.
Having very recently (relatively speaking) read your entire public dating history, I have to say your posts about you and the Dork Lord contain more joy and assurance than any other. Thank you for sharing this story particularly as it answers all kinds of questions (I im’d the friend who intro’d me to your blog to say, “Oh! THAT guy!”), and gives me hope that my own Dork Lord may be in places I haven’t even thought about looking.
I’m very happy for you, can’t wait for the next chapter!
I’m with Barbara E. – does that little four word revelation mean that you have become engaged? Or have seriously discussed it?
If you are, then congrats! And if you aren’t, then congrats! Because a story like that deserves a congrats either way (with a heaping side of warm fuzzy feelings).
I knew, immediately. I dumped someone else, for him, & decided to move to LA with him, 3 weeks after we met. (Added bit of fate: We’d both just gotten home from living in Europe for a few years, were from the same hometown, parents lived 12 minutes apart. We’d arrived from Europe, and were spending some time with our parents before taking off again.)
That was… oh, not even two years ago. We got married 2 weeks ago and our first baby is due in November.
No, we’re not engaged. But we’ve been talking marriage basically since we met. I suppose it’s a matter of buying a ring and knee-bending and all that.
But frankly, getting married costs money. We’re both working so hard to get out of debt so that our life together includes things like a house and kids, that I don’t know about him, but I’m thoroughly frustrated by the idea of rings and weddings and the like.
OMG! OMG! OMG!
Heather, I just went back and read the blog about “Tanner” and his favorite word, etc. I even saw my own comment. (I wasn’t very happy at all.) I’m about to leave work but felt compeled to share this…
What’s funny to me is that in the last 6-8 weeks I had met “Tony”. While not my usual cup-of-tea, I was being open to the situation and doing my best to be non-judgmental. Thinking to myself..”let’s just see where this can go…”.
He eventually called me. We were on the phone about 8 minutes. He wasn’t really asking too many questions of me but, I was listening to what he wanted to share about himself. Well, within seconds of that thought, I found out just what he wanted to share with me, as he was already taking care of himself and by the time I connected the dots, he reach his point-of-no-return and then hung up the phone!
UGH! WHAT?!?
I thought I had heard it all, seen a lot and done too much in my day but this incident takes the cake in my book (of experiences). And this guy is older than me so, I was kind of hoping for some mature conversation and possible dinner invitation.
Your “Tanner” blog, while a little foreign to me at the time, totally fits the bill now.
Oh.. and can you believe Tony called me back, three weeks later! Acting as though all is well, nothing weird.
I was taken by surprise by his (2nd) call and rushed him off the phone. “Promising” to get back to him on Sunday night when I returned from my trip. (no trip. no intention of calling back.)
Do you think he took the hint?!
He called last night!
“Hey baby. Did I wake you?”
“Yes.” (No)
“Wanna play?!”
“Actually, no. I don’t. No need to call back. Take care.”
Sigh.
Again, I appreciate what you share because as miserable as I’ve been feeling lately (where men are concerned), I’m very grateful to know that there are “real men” out there and, if I’m patient enough, he too may come along for me.
Stay happy, Heather!
The post was definitely worth waiting. Great story and thanks for sharing.Never felt so genuinely happy for the person I never met…
I just wanted to say how happy I am for you, and to thank you for linking back to old posts.
I’m currently in the midst of a breakup, and it’s encouraging to hear ‘happily ever after’ stories.
Rationally, I know they happen all the time, but when you’re down it’s still nice to hear.
Gives a girl some hope.
Congratulations and best of luck!
Heather, thank you so much for sharing! It is so nice to have some more of your story, and I’m glad I am not the only one who has a guy who “needs to be warmed up for such things”
But you forgot to say your line!!! You know, the one about your boyfriend being better than my boyfriend!
Very happy that you’re happy, even though your happy makes me roll my eyes and think “barf” and then say out loud to the empty apartment, “I WANT!” Yay for you 
I love it. Great Story. Actually even better then that beacuase it isn’t a story its a fact, its a memory and its a great memory to have and to have shared with us is entirely generous.
I too have met the man that made my universe bend as you have so eloquently put it and I am going to marry him too. I am in no rush as to when it just thrills me to bits to know it, to love him and that I know he loves me back just as much.
Thanks Fish for sharing your fact on love.
I remember when I was irritatingly, painfully single that I hated hearing stories about couples “just knowing.” What do you mean you “just know”? What does that FEEL like, what goes along with it? Enter my Boy.
The moment of our first kiss, which is where the story mostly starts, I just knew that if he wasn’t THE ONE FOREVER, he was going to be something incredibly close. Within not even a month, I just knew. Four years later, we’re planning our wedding.
You captured it perfectly that you don’t have to have facts, to back things up. There’s more to life than empirical evidence.
Congratulations to you!
Oh this totally made my day both amazing and sad. Amazing because it’s adorable and gives me warm fuzzies, and sad because my man is currently very far away and now I miss him even more.
However, I know exactly what you’re talking about with the clicking and wishing you could describe it. When we first met, our lives were going in completely different directions (even dating different people) but about 18 months later, we were both single and I haven’t looked back. It’s like waking up and realizing that everything is “right” in the world.
You deserve it Fish. Every girl (er, woman) deserves it. Although, if you keep these coming, I’ll start crying like I do at the end of Disney movies…
thanks. I agree, same as with my fella. Only, mine is military. The nights spent apart double the nights together:( But we both knew, and both made it happen within days of meetng each other! Yay for knowing.
Congrats to you.
oh fish! i’m sooooo happy for you.
i know exactly how you feel about the whole ring, engagement and wedding trap. but you should know that there’s always city hall. that’s where we were married 4 years ago. our close family members met us the day after thanksgiving (we couldn’t ask for a day off and thank goodness public offices are open on “black” friday). we waited to be summoned into the chamber to exchange our vows which took all of 5 mins. then it was off to a nice lunch arrange by my mom. no fuss no muss. =) now, my husband doesn’t remember the anniversary date…he just says it’s always the day after thanksgiving.
i like watching all the wedding planning shows on tv, but i’m so glad that i didn’t have to go through any of the drama.
Heather, this is wonderful, and true. How freeing to know in your bones you are mated.
I knew half way through my first date with my husband. Don’t know how, but I knew, so I know you know too.
I have soooo been waiting for this!! Elegantly simple and simply elegant.
I had a boyfriend once who told me, “sometimes you just know.” (He just knew he was going to dump me, but that’s a different story). Thrilled for you that you just know.
looks like you found your bicycle!
This is a BEAUTIFUL entry.
I am so incredibly happy for you.
PS, I’ve been reading you for years…just not commenting. I hope I find this feeling, one day.
This post made the hairs on MY arms stand up. I am just so happy for you…do you ever go back and read all your posts from the NYC days and think about the journey? I appreciate so much that you have shared it with us!
Maybe it was foot-fetish Tanner from the Bachelorette? I think he was from Dallas!
I’ve been reading your blog from the beginning, and shared in some of your experiences (I had my own J a few years ago and also took a long time to get over a short relationship recently). This post as well as the post about things you miss about being single (and things you don’t) struck a chord with me. I shudder at the fact that I’m 3rd or 5th wheel most of the time (sometimes 7th – *SHUDDER*) and it’s not to say that misery loves company, but sometimes you need to know that you’re not the only one (as obvs as it may seem, when all your friends are coupled up, it’s not that obvs). To see you finding happiness gives me hope to find my own. And ditto to those who mentioned the fact that we don’t know you, but you totally deserve it. God this is cheesy but this post made me smile. Congrats on finding him and I wish you many many years of happiness!
What a great story! Well done you for taking a leap of faith. I wish only happiness for you and the Dork Lord.
And NOW I feel like a total dork because I double posted.
Thank you for sharing. You give me hope to hang on to faith and keep hoping my dork lord will soon follow. Best wishes for you and yours.
I love reading this. I want to hug you!
Cutest post ever!
This post made me Squeeeeeee! More please.
Happy, happy, joy, joy.
The Internet can produce such beautiful things. Where would be be without it?
Thanks a million for sharing!
I’m so happy for you!
I too knew instantly when I’d found my one true love. I know exactly the settled feeling, the molcule alignment you wrote of.
Congrats again!
Ok, If it worked for you I’m going to try it.
I am ready to start dating with the intent of marriage again.
Ready set go!
Ok, If it worked for you I’m going to try it.
I am ready to start dating with the intent of marriage again.
Ready set go!
I’m going to be corny and say it. How Romantic!
To meet the love of your life through one of your passions, blogging. It is mean’t to be, congratulations.x
I am so insanely, ridiculously, overwhelmingly happy for you.
OMG, your story just made me cry a little (in a happy, romantic way). Reminds me of my husband (even though he hasn’t quite gotten the making the bed part yet).
1) i knew you’d find the guy when you left NY!
2) CONGRATS!!!!
3) thank-you. (for the story.)
Wow – I have tears in my eyes – what a fantastic post. Thank you for sharing!
Just wondering when you might consider changing the “needs” in your blog’s title to “has”? You know…for entertainment’s sake ; )
What a great story!! Don’t write the wedding stuff, btw. In the true spirit of romanticism, and knowing what I now know about your objective, it would behoove you both to remember two dear, sweet little romantic words about marriage: tax deductions.
[Yes, this is me at my most sloppily romantic!]
Still, VERY glad that you found what you were looking for!!
What a great story!! Don’t write the wedding stuff off, btw. In the true spirit of romanticism, and knowing what I now know about your objective, it would behoove you both to remember two dear, sweet little romantic words about marriage: tax deductions.
[Yes, this is me at my most sloppily romantic!]
Still, VERY glad that you found what you were looking for!!
What a great story!! Don’t write off earlier wedding bells, btw. In the true spirit of romanticism, and knowing what I now know about your objective, it would behoove you both to remember two dear, sweet little romantic words about marriage: tax deductions.
[Yes, this is me at my most sloppily romantic!]
Still, VERY glad that you found what you were looking for!!
Does Sara have any single friends in San Francisco? She is obviously very good at her job. Such a sweet story!
I didn’t check in yesterday so I missed the post. When I checked in today I thought- we don’t even know the Dork’s name or anything about him yet…wonder when BAM- now. You told us how and when! But still not WHO. All in due time I suppose- I won’t press.
What an incredibly sweet story – I’m so glad we got to hear how you two met!
I love your story- the “just knowing” explains exactly how I felt when I met my now-fiance. I can also relate to the struggle to get out of debt-I hated that my irresponsibility in my former life was affecting the future that I wanted…but I am here to tell you that all your hard work will pay off, I promise. In the last 6 months, we got engaged and bought a house-and I appreciate it so much more since we had to work so hard for it. You can do it!!!!
I love your story- the “just knowing” explains exactly how I felt when I met my now-fiance. I can also relate to the struggle to get out of debt-I hated that my irresponsibility in my former life was affecting the future that I wanted…but I am here to tell you that all your hard work will pay off, I promise. In the last 6 months, we got engaged and bought a house-and I appreciate it so much more since we had to work so hard for it. You can do it!!!!
“But then there are the things you know just because. No facts, no back-up. Just knowing. Some people will tell you that’s how they feel about god. As for me, I simply knew I was done looking. I’d found what I was waiting for.”
Snap – first date (blind date organised by little brother) – married in under a year.
Awww Heather that is such a great story. I know the feeling you’re describing. I never thought about marriage and never dreamt about my wedding, but when I met the one I just KNEW. I looooove it
Just had to respond to anonymous who said that “getting married costs money.” It doesn’t HAVE to! My (now) husband wanted to buy me a $6000 ring and I flipped. I’m not that kind of girl – the kind who needs fancy, expensive diamond rings. The ring I picked out is a gorgeous antique (circa 1920) manmade ruby (no conflict diamond for me, thank you!) and cost $250. We bought affordable, but nice, wedding bands. And our wedding cost $300 + the cost of a hotel – we ran off to Santa Barbara & did a just-us ceremony on the beach.
‘Course, I was already pregnant when we did all this – I felt that that $6k and any other money could be better spent on baby clothes, etc. But even were I not pregnant, I’d have chosen the same thing and loved every minute of it.
Love your story. I read it on my cell phone while driving the other day (I realize I was being irresponsible but I couldn’t stop reading), got teary and so happy for you… You are a total stranger but I feel like I ‘know’ you from reading your entries. I am in love with love after reading your post.
i thought he was totally opposed to marriage? don’t focus so much on a ring, focus on the relationship – that’s what’ll make you happy.
He’s not at all opposed to marriage! I don’t know where you got that impression.
- Heather
I think Erika got that impression because you once wrote a post where he made a remark about marriage that didn’t sit well with you right before the lights went down in the movie theater???
EP’s right – i got that idea from you (i looked again to make sure) in june “If your man is being a twerp, gimme a holler and we can talk about the time mine announced that marriage sounds like a really awful idea – right before the lights went down in a movie theater. “
You’re right – sometimes, you just KNOW. I’d gotten out of a bad, bad, bad relationship only a month or so prior to meeting “A.” He’d been dating someone for 4.5 years but had broken it off a month before. When we first talked, I told him I wouldn’t date him, but that we could be just friends. After all, look at what we’d just both been through? I met him in his hometown 30 mins. away for a movie. Driving home that night, I said to myself, “This is who I’m going to marry.” Three weeks later we called our parents, announced it as such, and gave them the wedding date. I was surprised with a ring a month later and were married 8 months after that. We celebrated our 7th anniversary this summer with our three y/o son in tow. Sometimes, you DO just know.
thats is so sweet… reading things like this make me believe in all possibilities..
Congratulations! I just stopped by to find the name of the Berber who played for the French National soccer team. You commented about him once. I dunno but there do seem to be some similarities with your current beau.
Just getting around to checking on the blog for the first time in a while.
This is good. Enjoy.
Having a life time partner is a blessing.
I am so happy for you!!! I used to read your blog when you lived in New York and thought you were such a good writer and fun person. Then I stopped reading you for a while. It was so fun to come back and see that you had met someone so perfect for you. Yay!
Heather,
I don’t know how else to reach you, so will risk being off topic for this fateful post.
I frequently see that you are now located in DFW (as am I), and wish that I knew you. (Okay, not Biblically.)
Anyway, if you ever decide to attend or throw one of those invite-every-semi-promising-stranger-and-see-what-isotopes-are-formed-by-the-fusion thingies, I would love the chance to meet you. Not in a stalkery way. Just in a former-Manhattanite-writer-who-dated-a-lot-of-idiots-and-now-lives-here-in-the-Big-Queasy way.